(I confess—I wrote this blog post quite some time ago but haven’t been brave enough to post it until now. Of late, though, I’ve learned of others going through horribly wounding church situations, nearly destroying them. Now it seems time to share. Perhaps this will offer hope to someone who’s hurting and let them know they can survive with God’s help.)
What struck us hardest, after the above mentioned, was the backlash we
faced by fellow believers with whom we worshipped and had for numerous years.
Not only did bad times hit us inside the church walls; news travelled to other
churches in our area and much further.
I will never understand, in the horrific situation we were in, why the
church leadership didn’t address the issues—for good or ill.
When we’d gone through more than enough time, thinking the storm would
die down, we addressed our secondary accusers face-to-face.
I remember us admonishing, “If you thought we were guilty of these
things, you had a scriptural obligation. 1) If you thought us innocent, to walk
along with us and help us through. 2) If you believed in our guilt, which
obviously you did or we wouldn’t be sitting here right now, confront us with
our sin. You did neither.
They were mostly silent.
At that point there wasn’t much else to say, so my husband and I walked
out.
We quit church.
And very nearly quit life.
We were not totally alone. A small number of people held up our arms*
when we felt we couldn’t. And, believe it or not, some of our greatest support
and understanding came from non-believers.
That shocked me! Not that they stood with us, but that those who should
have didn’t.
Months passed. Then Brian called a family meeting and said, “It’s not
good that we aren’t in church.”
I spewed, “I don’t trust churches anymore.”
But my husband presented a “let’s just visit one” plan that meet with a
family vote win.
So, the next Sunday we traveled to a church he’d heard about—where
victims of the same church as we’d been in found family.
That morning, we met the man who would become our beloved pastor—who’d
offer hope. He came to visit us that same week.
We shared some with him and then explained we had a disabled son who was
extremely difficult to handle and had been put out of Sunday School at the
former church, Pastor Bruce assured us this church would welcome our son,
address his needs, and told us, “My wife will be his teacher, and she will love
your son.”
And she did! Mrs. Kathy was a God-send!
I think, had we not met Pastor Bruce and Kathy, we may not have healed
from the traumas brought on by life and all the rest. At best, it would’ve
taken much, much longer, but…
Praise God!
And, when our accusers hit again and again (long after we’d left the
former church), Pastor Bruce showed up at our door, sat at our table with us, and
reminded us, “I’m your shepherd, your brother, and your friend. I’ll do all I
can to help you.”
He was all 3 and did as he said.
To this day, more than a score of years later, we’re grateful to God for
gifting us with this precious couple.
This healing church not only helped us parents, but our whole
family—teen sons were guided toward the Savior by awesome youth leaders. And
another son grew in his faith and love of the Savior under his teacher’s
instruction and TLC. And our (then) little whirlwind? Loved and adored by Mrs.
Kathy and others!
Precious Lord,
Take My Hand
by Thomas Andrew Dorsey 1938—protected by copyright
Precious Lord Take My Hand | Angie
Sutherland - YouTube
Pastor Bruce “took our hands” when we needed help so badly. He and his
bride continued a thriving ministry spanning 30 years at the church. Then God placed
another call on his heart.
Now Pastor Bruce is pastor to pastors, and dear Mrs. Kathy is by his
side. How blessed are these called-to-preach men to have this beloved man help
them grow, disciple them, and encourage them as they honor their commitment!
2) Seek godly counsel.
3) Find a place where you’ll be loved,
cared for, treated like functional-family, and befriended. Not all churches are
alike, but no church is meant to harm you. If your church attacks you, realize
this is neither what God intended for them to do nor for you to accept.
It’s not pleasing to God or healthy for you to stay in an abusive church
situation. What to do?
1) Address the difficulties/sins in the
manner laid out by God’s Word. If the church doesn’t respond, I suggest you get
out!
2) Run, then rest. All wounds need time to
heal, and (as mentioned above)…
3) Find a church family who will be like
Jesus to you and nurse you back to health. Ask God to direct you to the church
that’s best for you. He knows you need good “family.”
To you who’ve been hurt, this post is
for you ~ to let you know you’re not alone. And, although you feel like you’ve
been slain, you can heal and will when you find the right place of worship. It
may take a very long time and additional support.
Remember: Jesus Christ knows what you are going through and experienced
it Himself. So, in a very real sense, wounded soldiers, you’re in good company!
#churchhurt
#churchhealing #churchfamily #pastorshepherd #brotherfriend #wounds
#Psalms #AWTozer #scriputralconfrontation
#holdinguparms
*referencing Moses’ help in battle found
in Exodus 17:8-16
**as laid out in Matthew 18:15-19
***Luke 4:14-30
Thank you for sharing your struggle. I cannot imagine the emotional journey that was so much a part of your lives during that time. Sometimes, we as pastors, try to put ourselves in the place of God in leading a church. Shepherds that lead the church must be submitted to the Great Shepherd first. We are on a journey to follow him wherever the journey takes us. Matthew 11:28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. God bless your pen.
ReplyDeleteA pastor who recognizes what you've stated is a gift from God to the congregation God's entrusted to him! I think I have a hunch who you are Rev. Anonymous. If I'm correct, YOU are one of these gifts!
ReplyDeleteI've heard it said that churches, who should be loving their people, instead shoot their wounded. How quick humans are to believe the worst. I know it's the sin nature and all, but sheesh! Ya know?
ReplyDeleteWe've never had the level of pain you've experienced from a church, but we were accused once of using Anna as an excuse to get out of doing work at the church.
Daryl told the pastor (yeah, he was the one who said it), well, your children can wipe their own butts. If you want to come and wipe Anna's butt, we can do more at the church. Something like that, anyway. haha! I can laugh now, but it wasn't funny at the time.
Of course, there's always a person who thinks it's their job to tell you what you're doing wrong and how you need more faith or you need to check your motives. We called it "being hit by the Jean train." That woman pushed more people out of the church and that was over 25 years ago! She's still there and still pushing people out. None of the pastors over the years DARED to talk to her. They were afraid, I think. Afraid of being blasted. Afraid she'd pull her loads of money out.
Lord Jesus, come quickly!
I remember when you were going through that. We wrote a memoir, which I shelved for the time-being around those years and all that happened. The experience was so unreal, people would think it's fiction--but IT. WAS. REAL. A most horrible nightmare! BUT GOD RESTORED THE YEARS OF THE LOCUSTS! How we praise Him for that!
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