Dreams ~ Part 2 ~The I-Hope-So Kind

        It all starts with a dream!

        Yep, that’s what the poster in the office of the used-car salesman announced. But why were we there? We’d not been in the market for a car and had a dependable one until the previous week.

        Then the hailstorm struck! Not just any hailstorm. We’re talkin’ record-breaking! And amongst the 1,000s of vehicles that were targeted was… 

        Ours—a 2019 Ford Explorer with tow hitch! Totaled!

        But why mention the hitch?

        Because it didn’t really start with the hailstorm.

        It started with a dream.

        Back up with me to January 18^th, 2024. Brian and I sat in a used car dealership signing our lives away (not really but it felt that way) to purchase the Explorer because we’d need a vehicle hefty enough to tow a camper.

        Did we own a camper? No, but—hey—that was part of the dream, and we figured we’d take step 1—heftier vehicle—then pray for step 2’s provision. But why did we need a camper?

        Let’s back up even further. September 12^th, 2023 our son’s memoir* celebrated its release! This, the culmination of a year’s writing by Min dictating to me, his scribe. Once the writing was done, the editing began and all the other amazing headaches that go into getting a book ready to market. I can’t say I ever remember a more stressful experience, but…

        This was our son’s dream—to tell his story. He was 100% sure God wanted him to do it, despite how difficult it would be with his neurodivergent challenges and physical illness. And, while we worked together as a family to help Min fulfill his dream, Brian and I realized this was a God-assignment.

        Authors market their books. How would this happen? We’d couple Min’s dream with our need to travel for missionary deputation/outreach. After all, it’d been quite a while since Brian and I had been able to visit supporting churches and individuals.

        “It’ll be fun,” Min said.

        “It’ll be a great opportunity,” I said.

        “It’ll require means for us affording it,” Brian said, “and that will take an updated vehicle able to pull a camper for our lodging.”

        So, we began mapping out routes—where we’d travel during what season of the year. Min purchased a variety of interesting him-like items for his book-signing table (including mini glow-in-the-dark aliens because he was certain everyone would want one), and Brian and I went to buy the car.

        So, that brings us up to the purchase + 1 month.

        The dream that we caught from Min crashed when I stepped into a pulmonologist’s office, learned I had a lung disease, and would be placed on oxygen 24/7. Oh, it was much more complex than that, but another doctor let us know I might be helped and could possibly go off oxygen if we did a home mold study and had that cleaned out.

        $30,000+ later, after months of tearing apart our home and the pros removing mold throughout much of our abode and the reconstruct (which was its own nightmare), time would tell if there was hope for me and my fibrotic lungs.

        Call me naïve. Call me ignorant. Call me whatever you want (within reason), but I thought even at this point we’d adapt, drag along a portable O2 unit, and live out our dream.

        But this goal hung in the balances. I was so sick and my prognosis less than promising, barring Divine Intervention. The idea of going anywhere planted anxiety and doubt.

        And after our house was “cured,” I was not. My disease had progressed too far.

        Then Brian experienced health challenges ending in a surgery that permanently damaged his right arm functions. Would he be able to handle setting up a camper? Drive long distances? Have any energy left to do meetings or book-signings after all that? We had serious doubts.

        Thus, the dream took another hit. We resigned to the fact we must rethink our dream which, by now, also “lacked oxygen!”

        Why tell you all this, reader? Because sometimes our I-hope-so dreams can be delayed, change, become wounded, break, or even die.

        In our case, this wasn’t the end of the world, but we did need to toss our original plan, grieve the loss, and accept it as God directing us in another way.

        I guess I somewhat grieved losing the Ford Explorer. Not because it wasn’t replaceable. Of course it was, but it represented our incomplete dream—the one birthed when Min finished his memoir.

        And now that I’ve had some time to reflect on the past month, I realize I wasn’t really grieving the now-totaled car. I more than likely revisited my own grief—the one stealing breath from my lungs.

        Since grief can hit repeatedly over time, might I even grieve this again? And again?

               And yet again?

        In some ways, I compartmentalized all this. Example (talking to myself): Sarah, you’re getting older. You could’ve had a disease at this point in life or even died. I mean, you’ve even outlived your mother. So, is a problem like this really very surprising?

        Oops! That wasn’t a very “neatly packed little box.”

        Or: How about being thankful for the life you still have, Sarah? Look at all God’s done for you and is going to continue to do because of His unfailing love?

        Now that’s much better!

        What about dreams that are much more important than what I’ve shared? The loss of a child? A fire that consumes everything? Being victim of a crime?

        All dreams that don’t succeed have a certain amount in common but to greatly differing degrees, depending on its “name” and closeness of it.

        So, what, dear reader, can you do if your dream suffers a blow?

        May I suggest these steps to you?

1)     Recognize the dream might not be what it started out to be.

2)     Grieve the loss of your original dream—even if it requires revisiting it.

3)     Pray and commit your broken dream to God. He is able and willing to help.

4)     Be assured He can heal broken dreams, no matter what they are.

5)     Adopt a new dream. You may be surprised where God leads through this.

        Reader, how ’bout you and I take our broken dreams, hand the pieces over to God, and let Him create something new, useful, and beautiful!

        And, no matter what! Keep looking up! The God of Hope is ever-present, has a plan for our good, and is able to carry us through!

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord,

thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV

         I’ve Come Too Far to Look Back by Nancy Harmon (1970s)

“…He can mend broken dreams…”

I've Come Too Far | Small Town USA | Official Music Video | Redeemed Quartet

#dreams #hopes #plans #grieving #newdreams #Godcanmend

Disclaimer: I am not a counselor—just a person who shares her experiences with hope those help others along life’s way.

 

*A Home for Min Soo ~ Putting Together the Pieces of My Life by Kim, Min Soo

Photo Credit: broken dreams—shutterstock.com, son with memoir—family owned, USA map—alamy