When my sister and I death cleaned our parents’ estate, we found a box in the attic. It held ties to a secret we’d grown up with but, at least for me, didn’t fully understand until that find. The box, however, left no doubt that something horrible happened in our former neighborhood—so hideous that our mother took up the cause and wrote files and files of letters to people in high positions in our community and state. The box contained those letters and their responses.
Had we
not found this box and read its contents, the newspaper articles Dad buried amongst
his possessions would’ve confused the life out of me! I totally wouldn’t have
understood.
Without
digging up details of the whole troublesome past, I will just share with you
that there’d been an evil man in the area—a neighbor who took advantage of young
girls and was put on trial for his crimes. Compounding the hurt of the
situation, the man was declared innocent, one reason stating children were not
credible witnesses.
This,
of course, emotionally rocked our community. And our parents acted on it so no more
children would ever be victims.
That
man moved away. At least I think he did as he wasn’t around anymore after that.
I was
very young when this happened, and I had no remembrance of any of this. It was
also never mentioned in our home because, I suspect, the hurt went too deep.
We moved
to another part of town while my sister and I were still school-aged. Our
parents moved that box from our first home to the next—the one they now left to
us.
This
raised questions within me. Did Mom and/or Dad mean for us to find this
box—to show Mom stood up against evil? That she cared—passionately? Or did they
move the box and forget it existed with the passing of so many years (although
I know they never forgot what had taken place)?
Secondly,
was this secret just so painful that our parents couldn’t share it with us even
in our adult years? Were contents of the box meant to be seen in time, or
did they just forget they existed?
I
wonder.
Thirdly,
did our parents figure it would help us heal in time? Is that why they kept the
box full of letters?
As
shocking as it was to learn of the box and read its contents, knowing our
parents had been so brave and stood up for our neighborhood girls touched us
deeply. Also, finding them did help me understand some things in my growing up
years that hadn’t made sense until then.
My
sister and I had a long talk about this matter. We both felt it was more likely
Mom kept the box wanting us to know, in God’s time, that they tried to do all
they could for the young victims. And, to be honest, it did astound us that Mom
and Dad cared so much to take up a cause that also had to be painful as they
fought it.
We
found other secrets too—not like the one I’ve shared, but interesting to say
the least. Old love letters! And not to each other! Yes, they had previous
loves, although we also found letters they shared when they did meet and fall
in love.
Why am
I including this account in death cleaning? Because it hit me like a ton
of bricks when I thought about it, and—to be honest—I wondered if God was
leading me to share for someone out there who has something in their past
they’ve stored away, not knowing what to do with it.
If you
wish for a secret to die with you, don’t leave evidence of it. But, if
you believe it will be helpful for your family toward healing and growing
beyond it, that’s good reason to hang onto it. It comes down to this…
What
do you want the people who empty your estate to know about you?
I’m
not one who thinks secrets—even the worst ones—are best kept silent. And
sometimes I wonder if our Dad thought the same (but had forgotten the box we’d
find after he died).
You
see, my now family unit faced something very difficult along the way. I didn’t
know whether to share this with my Dad or not (Mom having already passed away).
So, I asked him if he wanted to know even if it hurt.
Dad
asked, “Is it going to go away?”
“No,”
I said.
“Then
you might as well tell me.”
So I
did.
There
are so many life stories. People who learned they’d been adopted after their
adoptive parents died. Couples who conceived a child before marriage to each
other or to someone else. Children conceived in rape who learned this horror
through a DNA test they did “just for fun.” I even learned of a case where a
person actually had a whole hidden family that his other family didn’t know
about (found when helping someone trace their family tree).
What about journals and diaries? Hmm.
That’s something I’d not thought about, so I asked myself these questions:
1.
If
I’m dead, does it really matter that my family reads what I wrote?
2.
Will
I regret destroying my deepest recorded thoughts if I trash these?
3.
Might
I wish to read them again before I pass away to reflect on progress in my life?
4.
Will
my diaries or journals point others to Jesus?
5.
Should
I leave my recorded thoughts to someone I trust above all others to dispose of
when I’m gone, letting them know my wishes ahead of time?
Some secrets will make others sad but may also “free” them. Yet some
things may be better left buried. Some things in our pasts may help
others, who’ve kept secrets, feel a bond toward us. There are so many scenarios
here, but my point is…
…if
you wish others not to know all your business—good or bad—take
care of those matters before you don’t have a say in them.
On a
slightly different note, what if the secret is a sin-matter? An addiction to, for
example, off-color magazines? That is not a private matter. God already
knows all about that. I pray, if this is the case with anyone reading this blog
post, you will go to God in prayer about it. Ask Him to forgive you. He can
turn your life around. When He does, you’ll hunger to clean the matter
out of your life and home. And there are professionals out there to help with
accountability in regard to addictions.
So
many people have deep hurts in their lives. Perhaps they’ve packed evidence of
those hurts into proverbial “boxes in the attic” or secrets they planned would go
to the grave with them. But what if it’s not going to go away. Then perhaps Dad
was right. “Then you might as well tell” someone—family, a counselor, or a
clergyman perhaps?
While
you’re still on this side of the grass, I pray you’ll go to God about your
secrets and how to handle them. God knows, cares, and will help you decide the
best way to handle your “box in the attic.”
All Your Anxiety
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8rMEp4HuHM&list=RDw8rMEp4HuHM&start_radio=1
Is there a heart o’er bound by sorrow? Is
there a life weighed down by care?
Come to the cross, each burden bearing;
all your anxiety—leave it there.
Refrain: All your anxiety, all your care,
bring to the mercy seat, leave it there.
Never a burden He cannot bear, never a
friend like Jesus!
No other friend so swift to help you, no
other friend so quick to hear,
No other place to leave your burden, no
other one to hear your prayer. (Refrain)
Come then at once; delay no longer! Heed
His entreaty kind and sweet;
You need not fear a disappointment; You
shall find peace at the mercy seat. (Refrain)
(from the hymn All Your Anxiety by
Edward H. Joy, 1929, public domain)
#deathcleaning #secrets #sinmatter #anxietyandcares
#mercyseat
Disclaimer:
I am not
a counselor. Any guidelines mentioned above are suggestions I hope and pray
will benefit you.
Photo
Credit: ThriftyFun
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