“Sweet-ish” Death Cleaning (The End) ~ Who Gets the Rat Trap Bank?

          Confession: We’ve found some possessions too hard to purge. One such item? Our rat trap bank! Yes, we really do own one.

          Now, before you screech, “Oh, ick!” allow me to plead my keeping-the-rat-trap-bank case. It’s displayed prominently in our home office where we work on ministry. Why? Because it reminds us of the Provider’s care throughout our missionary years! Perhaps another time I’ll share the whole story behind it (it’s so worth knowing), but for sake of this blog post I’ll keep it shorter.

          Part of our earlier ministry years were in New York City where Brian held Bible clubs. One growing Bible club located in the South Bronx had a problem—no place to meet.

          Long story short, permission to use a room was eventually given, but to get there Brian and the kids needed to cross rubble from a neighboring building. These kids, however, weren’t deterred—even by the rats!

          Yes, rats—plural! But Bible club was life-giving to this group, so each week they showed up and scattered the rats so they could learn God’s Word in that answer-to-prayer room!

          Brian and I affectionately called this “the rat-smack club” when telling how God answered prayer for those South Bronx kids! We shared the good news in pulpits and in our missionary prayer letter.

          When we visited one supporting church, they presented us with—tah dah!—the aforementioned handmade rat trap bank! They also filled it with financial gifts from the congregation—another answer to prayer at that time.

          So, do you see why we cannot throw away this reminder? What’t’do, what’t’do, what’t’do…

          Brian and I were going through items as we death cleaned.

          “Who gets the rat trap?” I asked hubby. “It’s meaningful to all our kids, but who’d want it, and how do we choose?”

          Brian smiled. “This is a strange conversation, you understand.”

          We laughed! (By the way, we haven’t decided yet, should any of our kids read this post while sitting on pins’n’needles whispering, “I hope it’s me!”)

          Maybe the rat trap bank will be one of those things we leave in our you-go-through-and-decide baskets. But for now, it continues serving as a reminder how God cared for us and answered prayer more times than we could count!

          You may have mementos like the one I’ve just shared about, although you may sigh with relief and say, “I’m so glad I don’t own a rat trap bank.”

          There are those items your children or friends might love to have—or might not. Perhaps you can put a note in a you-go-through-and-decide basket giving your family permission to discard (like you may do with some photos).

          Another category that comes close to this, at least in my thinking, are drawings and crafts our kids and grandkids gave us over the years. These would fill a sizable basket in and of themselves, had we placed them into one. Here are a few thoughts what to do about these:

Drawings? No problem unless there are so many they overfill an album and you wish them smaller. It’s possible in this day and age to take pictures of them all (or the most treasured ones) and preserve them as minis or electronically.

Or, maybe do what we did with our children’s drawings and schoolwork (having only saved choice items). Give them back to them to treasure. (We’ve hung onto grandkid ones for now though. We’re not that cold hearted—smile!) 

We also returned the crafts our kids made for us many moons ago. Their spouses enjoyed seeing those, much to their mates’ chagrin.

          Christmas ornaments each family member collected were gifted back to them when they began their own homes and families. Our single son has his in a special box. Oh, going back to photos, we also gifted all our kids with a decorative box of them as a Christmas gift one year, reducing the amount they’ll need to go through here by the hundreds.

          “What about collections?” you may ask.

          I used to collect lighthouses and colored glass bottles. My collections weren’t huge, but I decided some years back to let the glass bottles go and only keep a few very small lighthouses that family gave me.

          If you’re death cleaning and an avid collector, you might want to downsize collections. I have a friend who’s collected angels over the decades. She just adores them, so I know it could be hard for her to let these go. But, if you’re a brave soul, could you…

…gift one item each to family members and close friends before you die or designate with a note to whom you wish it be given?

Or donate your collection to nursing, Veterans’, or children’s homes where these type items will be treasured? This is true of custom jewelry too. (Nursing homes, for example, love these type things to use as gifts or prizes for their residents.)

Or can you take a keepsake photo of your collection, pick out only a handful to keep, and sell the rest?

          One thing you probably shouldn’t do once you’re a very seasoned citizen is enlarge your collection. Instead of buying more, can you just admire them, window shop, or live with a photo of the item? Would it help to tell family members and friends (who might gift you with more) that you are blessed with enough now? (They’ll likely respect your wishes about this.)

          One item I treasure and deeply respect is our dad’s folded flag, given to my sister at his funeral. She passed it on to me, and we’ve agreed it will be gifted to the one who made Brian and I grandparents. Some things are just too important and special to let go out of one’s family circle.

          What about Bibles—those large family ones and those left by parents, grandparents, and beyond? Sadly, according to The Art of Swedish Death Cleaning, most of these don’t find a future home. That shocked me as I can’t believe The Word wouldn’t be treasured by all. But if it’s not, what will you do with old Bibles—particularly disintegrating ones in the attic?

          I wanted to honor God with these, but many fell apart when I handled them, even carefully. I discovered, though, that these old Bibles held family history. You’ll want to preserve those notes by either copying them or keeping those pages and putting them into protective sleeves. One of my grandmas kept all family newspaper obituaries in between her Bible pages. I took those out, saved them for our children, and gave the Bible to our firstborn.

          If you married a preacher, missionary, or Bible scholar or you are one, you probably have at least one shelf full of Bibles. Right? In our most recent death cleaning step, we decided to give some of those Bibles new homes. After all, wouldn’t it be better if they were being read?

          In conclusion, may I tell you I realize parting with precious items can be hard and even bring tears. But foremost in your mind and heart, when deciding what to do, ask yourself, “What’s most important? What lasts?”

          Eternity lasts! All that’s here and now passes away. If you keep the forever goal in mind, you’ll find, as you death clean, the items you’ve held onto begin to lose their grip.

          It’s eternity that matters. Reader, may you focus on Heaven—the ultimate prize! And, should you choose to death clean, may you find joy while doing that part of life’s journey!

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

 

O soul, are you weary and troubled? No light in the darkness you see?

There’s light for a look at the Savior, and life more abundant and free!

 

Refrain: Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face,

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.

 

Thro’ death into life everlasting, He passed, and we follow Him there;

O’er us sin no more hath dominion—for more than conqu’rors we are! (Refrain)

 

His Word shall not fail you—He promised; Believe Him, and all will be well:

Then go to a world that is dying, His perfect salvation to tell! (Refrain)

 

(from the hymn, Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus, by Helen Howarth Lemmel, 1922, public domain)

 

#deathcleaning #rattrap #treasures #collections #keepsakes #childrensart

#Bibles #remindersofGodsprovisions #temporalthings #eternity

“Sweet-ish” Death Cleaning ~ Part 4 ~ Shhh!

 

          When my sister and I death cleaned our parents’ estate, we found a box in the attic. It held ties to a secret we’d grown up with but, at least for me, didn’t fully understand until that find. The box, however, left no doubt that something horrible happened in our former neighborhood—so hideous that our mother took up the cause and wrote files and files of letters to people in high positions in our community and state. The box contained those letters and their responses.

          Had we not found this box and read its contents, the newspaper articles Dad buried amongst his possessions would’ve confused the life out of me! I totally wouldn’t have understood.

          Without digging up details of the whole troublesome past, I will just share with you that there’d been an evil man in the area—a neighbor who took advantage of young girls and was put on trial for his crimes. Compounding the hurt of the situation, the man was declared innocent, one reason stating children were not credible witnesses.

          This, of course, emotionally rocked our community. And our parents acted on it so no more children would ever be victims.

          That man moved away. At least I think he did as he wasn’t around anymore after that.

          I was very young when this happened, and I had no remembrance of any of this. It was also never mentioned in our home because, I suspect, the hurt went too deep.

          We moved to another part of town while my sister and I were still school-aged. Our parents moved that box from our first home to the next—the one they now left to us.

          This raised questions within me. Did Mom and/or Dad mean for us to find this box—to show Mom stood up against evil? That she cared—passionately? Or did they move the box and forget it existed with the passing of so many years (although I know they never forgot what had taken place)?

          Secondly, was this secret just so painful that our parents couldn’t share it with us even in our adult years? Were contents of the box meant to be seen in time, or did they just forget they existed?

          I wonder.

          Thirdly, did our parents figure it would help us heal in time? Is that why they kept the box full of letters?

          As shocking as it was to learn of the box and read its contents, knowing our parents had been so brave and stood up for our neighborhood girls touched us deeply. Also, finding them did help me understand some things in my growing up years that hadn’t made sense until then.

          My sister and I had a long talk about this matter. We both felt it was more likely Mom kept the box wanting us to know, in God’s time, that they tried to do all they could for the young victims. And, to be honest, it did astound us that Mom and Dad cared so much to take up a cause that also had to be painful as they fought it.

          We found other secrets too—not like the one I’ve shared, but interesting to say the least. Old love letters! And not to each other! Yes, they had previous loves, although we also found letters they shared when they did meet and fall in love.

          Why am I including this account in death cleaning? Because it hit me like a ton of bricks when I thought about it, and—to be honest—I wondered if God was leading me to share for someone out there who has something in their past they’ve stored away, not knowing what to do with it.

          If you wish for a secret to die with you, don’t leave evidence of it. But, if you believe it will be helpful for your family toward healing and growing beyond it, that’s good reason to hang onto it. It comes down to this…

          What do you want the people who empty your estate to know about you?

          I’m not one who thinks secrets—even the worst ones—are best kept silent. And sometimes I wonder if our Dad thought the same (but had forgotten the box we’d find after he died).

          You see, my now family unit faced something very difficult along the way. I didn’t know whether to share this with my Dad or not (Mom having already passed away). So, I asked him if he wanted to know even if it hurt.

          Dad asked, “Is it going to go away?”

          “No,” I said.  

          “Then you might as well tell me.”

          So I did.

          There are so many life stories. People who learned they’d been adopted after their adoptive parents died. Couples who conceived a child before marriage to each other or to someone else. Children conceived in rape who learned this horror through a DNA test they did “just for fun.” I even learned of a case where a person actually had a whole hidden family that his other family didn’t know about (found when helping someone trace their family tree).

          What about journals and diaries? Hmm. That’s something I’d not thought about, so I asked myself these questions:

1.     If I’m dead, does it really matter that my family reads what I wrote?

2.     Will I regret destroying my deepest recorded thoughts if I trash these?

3.     Might I wish to read them again before I pass away to reflect on progress in my life?

4.     Will my diaries or journals point others to Jesus?

5.     Should I leave my recorded thoughts to someone I trust above all others to dispose of when I’m gone, letting them know my wishes ahead of time?

          Some secrets will make others sad but may also “free” them. Yet some things may be better left buried. Some things in our pasts may help others, who’ve kept secrets, feel a bond toward us. There are so many scenarios here, but my point is…

          …if you wish others not to know all your business—good or bad—take care of those matters before you don’t have a say in them.

          On a slightly different note, what if the secret is a sin-matter? An addiction to, for example, off-color magazines? That is not a private matter. God already knows all about that. I pray, if this is the case with anyone reading this blog post, you will go to God in prayer about it. Ask Him to forgive you. He can turn your life around. When He does, you’ll hunger to clean the matter out of your life and home. And there are professionals out there to help with accountability in regard to addictions.

          So many people have deep hurts in their lives. Perhaps they’ve packed evidence of those hurts into proverbial “boxes in the attic” or secrets they planned would go to the grave with them. But what if it’s not going to go away. Then perhaps Dad was right. “Then you might as well tell” someone—family, a counselor, or a clergyman perhaps?

          While you’re still on this side of the grass, I pray you’ll go to God about your secrets and how to handle them. God knows, cares, and will help you decide the best way to handle your “box in the attic.”

All Your Anxiety

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8rMEp4HuHM&list=RDw8rMEp4HuHM&start_radio=1

 

Is there a heart o’er bound by sorrow? Is there a life weighed down by care?

Come to the cross, each burden bearing; all your anxiety—leave it there.

 

Refrain: All your anxiety, all your care, bring to the mercy seat, leave it there.

Never a burden He cannot bear, never a friend like Jesus!

 

No other friend so swift to help you, no other friend so quick to hear,

No other place to leave your burden, no other one to hear your prayer. (Refrain)

 

Come then at once; delay no longer! Heed His entreaty kind and sweet;

You need not fear a disappointment; You shall find peace at the mercy seat. (Refrain)

 

(from the hymn All Your Anxiety by Edward H. Joy, 1929, public domain)

 

#deathcleaning #secrets #sinmatter #anxietyandcares #mercyseat

 

Disclaimer:

I am not a counselor. Any guidelines mentioned above are suggestions I hope and pray will benefit you.

 

Photo Credit: ThriftyFun

“Sweet-ish” Death Cleaning ~ Part 3 ~ Be a What?

           When it comes to death cleaning, be a pirate! 

          “Wait a minute! Did I hear you right?” you might ask. “A pirate? Someone who ‘collects’ and (ahem) not ‘nicely?’”

          Aye aye, Matey!

          One of my favorite TV series is Monk about a troubled obsessive-compulsive detective with more phobias than anyone (other than himself) can count.

          In one episode, Monk won’t cross a street where a faulty light refuses to turn green, even though his assistant tries to persuade him it’s fine. She goes on ahead, then along comes a “seasoned” citizen who talks Adrian Monk into crossing on the stuck red. How does she do that? By telling him, “Be a pirate! It’s fun to be a pirate.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2iHbDQ0kTo (00:34)

          As strange as that suggestion was, it worked. Mr. Monk crosses and becomes friends with the lady who from time to time reminds him he’s a pirate!

          When I was diagnosed with progressive lung disease, fears surfaced in me, making it hard to do what I previously wouldn’t’ve thought twice about. Simple things like going on errands.

          Hubby was my steady, and he picked up on the Monk phrase. So, when I panicked, Brian said, “You can do it. Be a pirate!”

          I’d smile at that familiar reminder, knowing exactly what it meant, and oddly enough thought about accomplishing the task. Arrr!

          For sake of this blog post and my love of Monk…

          …Reader. be a pirate! Hoist your Jolly Roger! Skull and cross bones! (Hmm. Maybe not so odd when death cleaning after all.)

          If you’re over 80, seriously consider death cleaning. It’s more than time! If you’re over 70, consider doing it very soon. You’re not promised tomorrow.

          Think: What are my excuses? Are they legit? Do I need to hire/borrow help? Would I rather decide about my things than have someone else choose for me?

          Matey, whether you’re death cleaning, down-sizing, or decluttering matters not. What does matter is, if you need to, do it! This will also make living easier while you wait your time to “sail” into eternity—less maintenance.

          In thinking what might make life simpler for us, this came to mind: Things we’re keeping seem to take less space placed vertically. So, we purchased 4 matching bookcases and placed them along 1 wall. They fit nicely in our home now and will likely fit in an apartment as well. We put not only books on them but also our treasures—ones we’ll pass on later but still enjoy now.

          I kept books I read 50+ years ago. To make room for everything gathered from around the house, I needed to weed those down. If I only read this once in 50 years, I won’t be here to read it again; so I reread those and passed on about 80%. This made room for some newer reads, music books, photo albums, this-n-that—all vertical and easier to clean. No more stacked baskets, collectables, etc. on furniture tops or on the floor in multiple rooms!

          Brian weeded down his study books. What a pirate! We also eliminated some DVDs and CDs. No, they don’t take up much room, but others can enjoy them.

          The furniture we replaced to help with easier maintenance has enclosed bottoms. That may not seem a big deal, but this pirate preferred things that didn’t need to be mopped under when “swabbing the deck.” And all our other furniture is on sliders.

          One more thing we did was purchase clear, glass-like-in-appearance acrylic containers (purchased at a dollar store). These hold all our dresser-top, side table, and counter top small items. Now when I dust, I only move one container from, say, my dresser top to clean it rather than a bunch of bottles, this-n-that, etc. It’s been a big help on days my lungs complain and lifting anything challenges—also with those arthritic joints. I wondered if this change might look unattractive, but they’re pretty nice.

          I have a dear friend who adores dishes and has filled every possible shelf and cabinet with them. “I just can’t get rid of them!” she declares. Okay, for her it’s hard, but I confess this is an easy one for me. Advice from The Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter suggests keeping only enough dishes for as many people as your table will seat.

          That might be hard if you have many people over for a meal. You’ll be the judge of how many dishes you should keep. In recent years, though, I’ve found more often than not we’ve resorted to using disposables for large groups.

          None of the dishes we kept have sentimental value. They’ve not been passed down over generations, received as wedding gifts, etc., so our children needn’t worry about boxing them for the thrift store. Same with our drinking glasses—a handful of inexpensive ones. As for mugs, we gave away all but 6 so we have just enough but not too many.

          In the book mentioned above the author delves into how to deal with photographs. I went through ours years ago, but I’m doing it again. I’ve thrown away 100+ so far—ones that aren’t necessarily important to me or to our family: ones there are 4 or 5 of, six similar photos of Mom with college friends where they’re smaller than my pinky nail (who are they I’ll never know), the fuzzy out-of-focuses, and ones of kids I babysat since my high school years (didn’t have the heart to trash most of those). All the ones our kids won’t have a clue about author Margareta Magnusson suggests putting aside so you can still enjoy them, but mark the bag, box, or binder with “OK to discard!”

          Now, don’t pirates have treasure chests? This pirate does! In mine I’ve placed tatted items I made for each of my grandchildren, children, sister, and husband. I plan to write a letter to share my heart with them also. There’s something special set aside for hubby, but I can’t tell you. Shh! That’s my secret, but it just might be pirate-related. Arrr!

          Here’s one more guideline before I close this Part 3: If you haven’t used an item in 5 years (I’m being very generous here) and it’s not one you’ll pass on to someone special or that essential wrench you need when your sink leaks, let it go. That may be very, very hard, but…

          Be a pirate! It’s fun to be a pirate.

This World Is Not My Home

 

This world is not my home, I’m just a-passing through

My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue;

The angels beckon me from heaven’s open door,

And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.

 

Chorus: O Lord, you know I have no friend like you,

If heaven’s not my home, then Lord what will I do?

The angels beckon me from heaven’s open door,

And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.

 

They’re all expecting me, and that’s one thing I know,

My Savior pardoned me and now I onward go;

I know He’ll take me thro’ tho’ I am weak and poor,

And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore. (Chorus)

 

I have a loving Savior up in glory-land,

I don’t expect to stop until I with Him stand,

He’s waiting now for me in heaven’s open door,

And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore. (Chorus)

 

Just up in glory-land we’ll live eternally,

The saints on every hand are shouting victory,

Their songs of sweetest praise drift back from heaven’s shore,

And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore. (Chorus)

 

(from This World Is Not My Home by Albert E. Brumley, 1937, public domain)

 

#deathcleaning #maintainingahome #MonkTVshow #beapirate #makingharddecisions

#downsizing #books #dishes&mugs #photographs

 

P.S.~If you’re into all the national days of this-or-that, you might like knowing September 19^th

      is Talk Like a Pirate Day. Oh, it’s also my birthday! “How old ARRR you now?” Haha!

 

Photo Credit: freepik.com